BY ESSIEN ATTAH
Last night while fans across the globe were enjoying the spectacle of the UEFA Champions league, a suicide bomber was detonating his explosive package in a packed viewing centre in Jos Nigeria inflicting death and carnage on the hapless fans.(3 fans reported killed an unspecified number reported injured)
Once again the cold spectre of death inflicted by unidentified terrorists visits the city of Jos that is still reeling from the deadly twin blasts at the Terminus market some days ago.
As one comes to grips with this calamity many are rushing to label these victims of terror stupid for venturing out of their homes and risking their lives over a darn football match in a city that is yet to recover from a dastardly terror attack that claimed over 120 lives.
Indeed the reoccurring defence for this regime is stupidity. It was stupid for the Chibok girls to go to school knowing full well that Boko Haram could kidnap them at a whim. It is also stupid for people to be caught up in a beer parlour at night in Kano hence the bombs that killed them is an appropriate punishment. Even the Nyanya victims could be seen as stupid for venturing to go to work risking death by terrorist bombs when staying at home is far safer.
Since the proponents of this regime of insecurity have labelled the common Nigerians stupid for venturing to enjoy the necessities of life in a country where finding joy is rapidly becoming extinct, therefore the most intelligent man in Nigeria must be GOODLUCK JONATHAN. He is so intelligent that he would not dare visit Chibok or the North East for certainly boko haram will organise a befitting welcoming committee for him on arrival comprising, antiaircraft guns to possibly shoot down NAF One, or an RPG Vanguard to launch a heavy barrage at his motorcade or the invincible Boko Haram Suicide Bombing Martyrs Brigade to ensure his speedy demise via kamikaze attacks.
Besides it is stupidity to put one’s trust in the Nation’s security dragnet that can’t even protect a fly from a spider’s web in these precarious times, hence why should the President entrust his security to them who have failed Nigerians uncountable times?
Indeed the most intelligent man in Nigeria has taken the art of self preservation to the next level making it a veritable science. No more independence day parades for after the last MEND Independence Day bombing of Eagle square, a low key celebration is a safer modality behind the fortified walls of Aso Rock.
Indeed the most intelligent man in Nigeria exudes confidence when he walks the streets of foreign lands for his hope is built upon the efficiency of the foreign security apparatus to secure his person. Back home his demeanour is shattered for his fears are compounded by the knowledge that his armed forces have been compromised and made ineffective thus he adopts discretion being the better part of valour as his dogma hence locking himself incommunicado behind the fortified walls of Aso Rock is his preferred stance.
The most intelligent man in Nigeria avoids stepping on powerful toes that have illegally and corruptly lined their pockets with government funds hence he has reclassified this pilfering to be no less harmful as stealing meat from one’s mother’s soup pot. But alas this is a digression.
Nigerians only hope for survival is to acquire the intelligence of the most intelligent man in Nigeria. No more late nights hanging with friends at viewing centres and beer parlours. It is far safer to remain at home with one’s wife and children than indulge in such frivolities.
No more congregating in markets and potential targets. Konga and Jumia, the online retailers are far safer options who assure efficient home delivery. Lets all acquire the intelligence of the most intelligent man in Nigeria who has a retinue of staff to attend to his needs hence it is in good stead to hire an expendable domestic servant to do shopping when Jumia and Konga fail to suffice. For the loss of limb of a domestic servant at the advent of a suicide bomb is not as dreadful as the loss of one’s direct kith or kin.
No child should go to school in the North East again. Other options are available. There is the option of enrolling in Almarjiri lifestyle or joining Boko Haram since the Government can not protect those who wish to pursue Western education from the tentacles of the dreaded Jammatu Ahlis Sunnanati Luddawati Wahl Jihad.
This is the Nigeria the most intelligent man in Nigeria has bequeathed to this generation: A generation that should live in perpetual fear and trepidation. A people that should abandon all social interaction to embrace a life of reclusion. We shall all become hermits living in isolation in a cold dark cave.
The death of any Nigerian in the hands of terrorists be it Jos, Kano, Abuja of Borno is a blow to a family somewhere left to grieve and gnash teeth in sorrow. The cries of widows have failed to move a nation. The kidnap of helpless school girls has failed to unite a nation. The ambush and decimation of the nation’s soldiers has failed to force serious introspection.
Now the Americans have landed but are yet to provide the elixir to cure this ill. Nigerians must arise to solve their own problems and not rely on foreign powers to rescue the situation.
The most intelligent man in Nigeria needs to urgently restructure the military and weed out the bad eggs. He must end his pro corruption stance and urgently investigate and punish those who are starving the military of funds.
There is grumblings in the Military at the proclamation of the Minister of Finance that already 100billion has been released since January to aid the fight against terrorists which is in sharp contrast to the 8billion the defence headquarters claims they have received.
Where has the remaining 92billion vanished?
Is it another case of stealing meat from the soup pot formerly known as corruption?
Isn’t it akin to shooting one’s self in the foot in depriving the last defence against boko haram of the funds and tools with which to work with?
But alas with a general election approaching there are speculations and allegations that the most intelligent man in Nigeria’s army of supporters are building a healthy war chest to ensure a resounding victory come 2015. Since stupid Nigerians think with their bellies than their head, a few bags of philanthropic rice and salt coupled with a few crisp notes is sure to buy over voters to align themselves with the most intelligent man in Nigeria. And if that doesn’t work the ethno religious card is always a tempting option.
Hence it won’t be surprising to see the return to the rock of the most intelligent man in Nigeria come 2015.
Meanwhile the cycle of bombings, kidnappings and killings will continue unabated for the most intelligent man in Nigeria and his army of spin doctors has promised Nigerians that we shall be like Afghanistan, Iraq or Somalia were terrorists have been holding sway for the past 10 years. Hence five years of terrorism have passed. Five more to go.