FROM MY INBOX:
Dear Dr Wilson,
I need your help urgently. I’ll need you first to explain to me, after which I will plead with you to go to our house and explain to my husband.
I dated this guy for 11 months and we wedded this past weekend, here in Akure.
All through our engagement period, I did not allow him to have sex with me because I’m a virgin who has never had sexual intercourse with any man before. I told him it’s a sin to have pre-marital sex and that i will only lose my virginity to my husband on our wedding night.
After the wedding ceremony and reception, we were driven to our reserved hotel suite in Alagbaka, where my husband pounced on me like a hungry lion.
My husband raised his hand and slapped me for first time when he discovered that his manhood penetrated me without any hindrance and without any stain of blood on the bed sheet.
He called me a harlot and all manners of dirty names; that I’ve been deceiving him for nothing all along. He abandoned me in the hotel and went home, telling me that the marriage is over!
I can’t leave the hotel because I can’t return to my parents and I can’t go and join my husband at home in Ijapo estate, because he threatened to kill me if I come near him. I don’t know how long I can stay in this hotel before they come to embarrass me.
Dr Wilson, pls help me. I didn’t lie to him. I’ve NEVER had sex with any man before I married my husband. How I did not bleed during my first sexual encounter with my husband is still a mystery to me.
Pls, why didn’t I bleed? All I know is that i didn’t lie to him. Pls help save my marriage.
Mrs B.O. H
( I posted this with her permission, promising to exclude her name)
MY RESPONSE :
I have good news for you.
The good news is that there is nothing wrong with a woman if she doesn’t notice any blood the first time she has sex. Not all women bleed when they have vaginal intercourse for the first time. The reason is that no two hymens are alike.
The hymen is a tissue that’s filled with blood vessels that typically covers part of the vaginal opening.
Some girls have a thick hymen or a hymen that covers a lot of the vaginal opening. Other girls have a very thin hymen or a hymen that covers very little of the vaginal opening.
As girls grow up into women, some of the hymen may wear away gradually over time, and young women would never even know it.
There are many things that may help to wear away the hymen over time, including certain activities such as gymnastics or horseback riding, as well as using a tampon, fingering oneself during masturbation, or being fingered by a partner during sex play or foreplay.
When a woman first has sex, she may notice lots of bleeding, only small amounts of bleeding, or no bleeding at all. Whether or not a woman bleeds when she first has sex has nothing to do with her virginity.
Bleeding during sex is also not a sign of being healthy or unhealthy; it’s just a reflection of how much hymen tissue a woman has, which varies from woman to woman.
So relax Madam, I’ll see your husband tonight.